My dear Elphaba, from WICKED, whom if ever a musical theatre character I would be, said it best . . . no good deed goes unpunished. Evidenced twice in 72 hours!
Tuesday night I had a friend/colleague in from out of town. He stayed at my place while here for a job interview. There is one rule when staying at my place . . . you're not allowed to bring boys home. Big mistake to take him to The Palace. A dear friend, whom I've grown very fond of was trashed and couldn't drive. Being the always sensible and caring friend, I thought it best for him to crash at my place and not drive home. He did and ended up hooking up with my guest. UGH. I let it go with my guest and spoke about it with the dear frined and the air seemed clear. I voiced the confusion in my head as to the underlying "stuff" in our friendship. I was met with the same. We then proceeded to have what is probably the best date I've ever had in my life. That night I had a clear sleep (albeit only 4 hours) and woke up with the confusion clear and knowing what I thought and felt . . . a good thing right?!?!
That next day I was met with the 'brakes being put on' by him so as not to "ruin our friendship". Hmmmmmmmm. If our relationship didn't start out as being 'interested' in each other, but rather started out as acquaintances, growing to friends and at last resulted in very close friends . . . why 'put on the breaks'? Doesn't it make sense to just 'live life' by acting on feelings and moving forward? If the relationship developed and progressed on its own the way it did, without any pressure or pre-determined thoughts, etc., why stop there? Can anyone explain this to me, because I swear, I'll never understand boys and their logic . . . or lack thereof. Perhaps the majority are just truly scared of having something really amazing, or at the very least, 'good.'
Last night I received a telephone call from another friend who was having a minor breakdown. Again, being the big-hearted person I am, I stepped up to the plate and took care of the situation. Because he didn't want to be alone, I offered for him to stay at my place. Nothing happened; however, the entire time, all I could think about was how I wanted my 'friend' to be the one there (though I wouldn't wish a breakdown on many people). So another poor night's sleep thinking about the pitfalls of my life and trying so very hard not to think it's 'me.' Perhaps it really is? The worst part is that on Monday I finally deleted the phone number of last fall's 'issue' from my phone. Hooray . . . I've almost gotten over all of the crap he put me through and moved on, only for the next day to start the cycle all over . . . this time with someone I truly cared for, trusted and really believed in . . .
There are so many intricate details that I am tired of thinking about and am leaving out, but felt it might be therapeutic to write down the "Reader's Digest" version of my past few days. I hope it works . . . I'm so very tired of hurting!
I'm also tired of being the good ol' friend next door! When do I get to play the leading man?!?!
